


Sweet Just Like Frustration

by gentleau (iwanna_seeyou_undoit)



Series: USS Hermes [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Smut, THE SWEETEST SEX I COULD WRITE, Threesome - M/M/M, and Daniel embarassinng himself, it's just the hermes crew all teasing each other and loving each other, there's no monster of the week plot to this one, unless you count lando's side story as star trek plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:29:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwanna_seeyou_undoit/pseuds/gentleau
Summary: Daniel doesn’t mean to cause a ship-wide controversy but he also didn’t mean to be promoted to head of the engineering department, and here he is, holding bi-weekly meetings about the warp core.Lando: @ DANIELLando: please god tell me he hasn’t gone to get dinnerGeorge: please god tell me he has
Relationships: Daniil Kvyat/Charles Leclerc, Lando Norris/OFC, Nicholas Latifi/George Russell, Nico Hulkenberg/Lance Stroll, Pierre Gasly/Esteban Ocon, Pierre Gasly/Esteban Ocon/Daniel Ricciardo
Series: USS Hermes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110743
Comments: 7
Kudos: 31





	Sweet Just Like Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to Hate and Tears Pass. I guess it's not necessary to have read that first so if you're just here for the pierrestedan content, welcome. What you need to know is this is set on a starship, Pierre and Esteban are boyfriends, and the starship Hermes is the most wholesome dysfunctional workplace in the whole galaxy. 
> 
> If you want a Star Trek primer, that's in the notes of Hate and Tears Pass. 
> 
> The title is from the song Icecream by Mika. 
> 
> Thank you to Liv and Nat for letting me borrow Silvano, Marly, and Malia. Thank you Scottie for letting me have free rein with Charlie once again.

ONE SIDE OF A PHONE CALL BETWEEN ALEX ALBON AND HIS MOTHER

“No, mum, really you don’t have to do that…”

“No, seriously. Don’t fly out here.”

“Ye- I know the nearest space dock is- Yes, we’d be stopping…”

“Really, mum, it’s so far from Earth. It’s so expensive.”

“I _promise_ you don’t need to be there. It’s just a formality. The captain will call my name and shake my hand and that’s it. I won’t even get my uniform update then.” 

“I’ll send you photos. I promise.”

“Yeah. Love you, too. Okay. Yep. Okay, bye, love you!”

.. 

ONE SIDE OF A PHONE CALL BETWEEN ESTEBAN OCON AND HIS PARENTS

“ _Maman, non._ It’s a silly little performance to make the Admirality feel good about themselves. Please don’t apologis-”

“ _Papa_ , I promise I don’t need you there.”

“They will call my name and say I’m no longer an Ensign and that’s it. Ba-baa! Done.” 

“Photog- well, Pierre will be in the ceremony also… Yes, I’ll ask… Yes, I’ll take photos of him, too.”

“I’m proud of you, too. Thank you. I love you! Good night!”

.. 

CEREMONY ON BOARD U.S.S. _HERMES_

PRESENTATION OF RANK:

“The following personnel are conferred the rank of Lieutenant in recognition of their services to science and their admirable spirit in the face of uncertainty while on the planet Rasanthum…

“Ensigns Alex Albon, Silvano Diaz, Meriana Barrett, Pierre Gasly, and Esteban Ocon. 

“The following personnel will have a formal commendation attached to their service record in recognition of the same… 

“Lieutenants Charlotte Lievelle and Lance Stroll. And Lieutenant-Commander Daniel Ricciardo.” 

.. 

PHOTOS TAKEN DURING THE CEREMONY: 

**Photographer: George Russell -**

[three out of focus shots zoomed in on Alex’s ass as he walks up the stairs to the stage]

[one photo of Alex shaking Lewis’s hand, mid-conversation, both looking like they’re about to sneeze]

[a close up of Pierre’s tight grip on Esteban’s knee] 

**Photographer: Alex Albon -**

[several selfies]

[two well-framed, well-lit shots of both Silvano and Meriana shaking Lewis’s hand]

**Photographer: Pierre Gasly -**

[four photographs of his own feet]

[two shots of Esteban’s back walking up to the stage]

[seven consecutive images of Esteban walking across the stage, taken so quickly after one another that if you scroll through them it’s like a little Esteban flip book]

[a picture of him pressing a kiss to Esteban’s cheek once he’s off stage, with George looking exaggeratedly nauseous in the background]

**Photographer: Esteban Ocon -**

[more photos of Pierre than bears counting. He took the strategy of if I take enough photos one of them will turn out to be good. If he doesn’t get a good one his mother and Pierre’s mother will cheerfully castrate him.]

..

######  **~ An Oasis from pierresteban ~**

**George: why did we think getting those two talking again was a good idea?**

**Lance: ‘we’** **  
** **Lance: don’t bring me into this**

**Alex: we agreed to get them talking. Not making out on every spare surface**

**Lando: i walked in on them in the gym the other day** **  
** **Lando: they claimed they were sparring**

**George: is it too late to break them up?**

**Lance: have i told everyone george and nicky were getting it on in medbay last week?**

**Alex: AFTER THE OUTBREAK OF TALRISIAN FEVER GEORGE??**

**George: WE CLEANED UP**

**Alex: I DON’T CARE** **  
** **Alex: I’m reporting you both.**

**Lance: don’t bother. Vettel just laughed when i told him**

..

It’s not unusual for a starship - especially one like the _Hermes_ \- to have several weeks, sometimes months even, without anything happening. 

Other ships, the famous ones, the first contract ones, _they_ have full schedules: planet explorations here, diplomatic missions there. There’s a rumour that one ship, years ago, went a full ten years without more than two days off. 

Since most of the work the _Hermes_ does is non-urgent - mainly research with a few political dinners interspersed - the ship isn’t designed to constantly travel at high warp. 

So what happens is the crew gets into situations that aren’t exactly covered in training books. When the most exciting thing happening outside the ship is passing a cargo ship from several hundred miles, everyone gets very invested in what’s happening _inside_ the ship. Star crews are already preternaturally embedded in each other’s lives, but a star crew with literally nothing else to do but gossip… 

No one is immune. 

Not the interns in the kitchens. Not the astrophysicists who spend most of their time head down ass up in data. Not the surgeons, the shuttle bay crew, not the xenobiologists who everyone knows care more about animals than people, not, even, the Vulcans. 

And certainly not the command crew. 

They’re the worst of the whole bunch. 

As the three people in charge of the well-being of the entire ship, it’s literally their job to know everyone’s business. They don’t do it viciously, or on purpose, but leading a cohort of bored, usually horny social animals through months of deep space travel does breed a certain consciousness of everything that’s going on. 

Lewis has tried to keep out of everyone’s business, but it’s like it comes to him. 

He’ll be trying to coax his breakfast out of a faulty replicator in one of the mess halls, and he’ll overhear some Ensign crying about a Lieutenant who can’t meet her family because they live on a planet he’s allergic to. 

He’ll ask his pilot why they’re distracted and they’ll tell him about the plans they have that evening. 

There’s no escape. He’s made his peace with it. 

He’s come to the conclusion that if he has to know all this information, he might as well make use of it. 

Daniel and Sebastian are no better. As head of security, Daniel had witnessed many (many _many_ ) embarrassing bodily reactions in the gym. He’s had to reprimand more people that he wishes to think about for making improper use of the gym showers. 

Sebastian hears more sick bed confessions than one person should be allowed to hear in seven lifetimes. 

And it’s not just the gossip they take part in. The three of them - the most senior officers in the whole ship - are more immature than anyone could ever hope to predict. 

..

IF THE WALLS INSIDE THE COMMANDING OFFICER’S LOUNGE COULD TALK THEY WOULD TELL YOU…

… about the time Lewis and Sebastian got into a physical fight over which of them was going to go down to the planet on a very dangerous, probably deadly, and definitely foolish away mission. 

Sebastian caught Lewis around the waist as he was walking out the door, Lewis responded with an elbow in Seb’s chest, and then it devolved to rolling around on the ground, scrapping like children.

During this time, Daniel and Commander Sergio Perez (at the time, the acting head of security), had already beamed down to the planet. 

… or about the time a crewman knocked tentatively on the door of the lounge, asking in the tiniest voice Lewis had ever heard, if they could have a moment of his time. They’d looked terrified. 

He’d said of course, let them in, offered them a cup of tea. 

They were requesting a transfer, to a Space Station, somewhere that their quote “inadequacies wouldn’t be life-threatening”. 

Lewis had flatly refused the transfer. “I need to know you want to transfer. I need you to give me a good reason. If it’s what you really want, I’ll let you. But this - talking about being inadequate when you’re one of the best new graduates we have - isn’t a proper excuse.” 

That crewman ended up transferring, two years later, to a bigger ship - a First Contact ship - to work as the Chief Supervisor of a science lab. 

… They would tell you about the time that Daniel called his boyfriend while he thought no one was around and had to bribe Sebastian into not telling Lewis that his First Officer was wanking off in the command lounge. 

… or about all the times the three of them pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and use all their free time gossiping about the interpersonal relationships throughout the ship. 

Lewis would tell you it’s good for a Captain to know what’s going on among his crew - what their dynamics are, who is mad at who, who shouldn’t work with who because of a potential conflict of interest. 

Sebastian would say it’s his job as the Chief Medical Officer to ensure that the mental health of his crew is looked after, and that includes ensuring that all interpersonal relationships are functioning as best they can. 

Daniel would be much more honest and tell you that there’s only so much you can do on a starship that’s travelling between assignments, and that gossiping about the crew is a lot more satisfactory than thinking about the fact that you’re stuck on a ship thousands of light years away from your loved ones.

Which is another thing the command team discuss: how they’ve all got partners who are not aboard the ship. 

The relief they’d all felt when Pierre and Esteban finally got their shit together and sacked up together was palpable. 

“I have to fight my children to get time alone to spend talking to my wife,” Sebastian had complained. “These two are still fighting over a plant from years ago.”

“I could barely eat in the same Mess Room as the two of them with their looking at each other and posturing over who had more eggs on their plates.” Daniel was thrilled to finally be able to have his meals in a communal space. 

“I don’t know,” Lewis mused, “I was looking forward to what excuse Ocon was going to invent to spend time on the Botany deck.” 

“That’s because you’re not directly in command of him,” Daniel fired back. “You try telling a staff-member hell bent on getting himself stuck in a Jefferies tube to fiddle with a few bolts in a door. Impossible.” 

Anyway, after Rasanthum, after Pierre and Esteban sorted themselves out, their complaints trailed off and they started talking about a very (very) unlikely couple absolutely _plaguing_ the lower decks: Charles Leclerc (suicidal security Ensign) and Daniil Kvyat (competent by altogether too accommodating hydro-engineer). 

..

SUMMARY OF LECLERC’S BEHAVIOUR (AND KVYAT’S COMPLICITY)

Assessment of Leclerc’s skill set:

Charles Leclerc is theoretically a highly skilled team member. He has a high degree of proficiency in all of Earth’s martial arts, as well as several extra-Terrestrial martial arts (including those of planets Vulcan, Orion, and Gordinium). 

Leclerc has a demonstrated ability to grasp the rudiments of new languages quickly. 

Leclerc is quick on his feet, performed well in all simulated high-pressure scenarios during his Academy years, and is particularly agile. 

However, in practice, Charles Leclerc appears to forget all these attributes. As a security officer he is very little use on initial contact away missions. He is a beneficial member of the team if the planet has already been explored, and the variables are known to him ahead of time. 

Onboard, Leclerc excels as a guard (can stand or sit still for prolonged periods of time and not become bored), or as a sparring partner. His strength would make him an excellent addition to an engineering team who needs additional crew members. 

Incident 1: 

Charles is assigned to the team overseeing the new water-treatment and water-filtration developments. Team headed by Lieutenant Daniil Kvyat. 

Charles fulfils his duties as a crew person who does heavy lifting. 

Charles gets easily distracted by other crew members walking past. 

Charles drops a water pipe, ripping a hole through a wall, thankfully avoiding severing life support systems to decks four, three, and seven. 

Charles is embarrassed, promises to fix the damage by himself. Three hours later, Daniil returns to the scene of the accident and assists Charles with the repairs. Both Charles and Daniil retire to the nearby Mess Hall to have a cup of coffee. 

Incident 7:

Charles is off-duty. Daniil is also off-duty, but is checking in with a new Ensign on the Engineering decks. 

Daniil is not looking where he is going. 

Daniil walks directly into Charles Leclerc’s chest. 

Charles’ chest is not the right way up. Upon further inspection, Charles is hanging from his knees from an exposed water pipe in the engineering department. He is grinning at Daniil. 

“Hello!”

“Get down. You’ll scare the new recruits.” 

Charles makes a valiant attempt at an upside down shrug and holds his hands out to Daniil. “I need help to get down.”

Daniil takes his hands and Charles pats at his chest in thanks. 

Incident 3:

Somehow, unbeknownst to absolutely everybody, and in between Charles taking his duty guarding the usually very empty brig (though sometimes Daniel locks Lewis in there just to get him to stop working and get some sleep) very seriously, Daniil and Charles hook up. 

There’s really no better term for it. 

Incident 11:

Once they’ve done it once, they start doing it everywhere. 

Or, correction: Charles begins his quest to convince Daniil to make out with him everywhere. 

No one thinks either of them are actually dumb enough to get each other off in a common area (that’s way more Gasly and Ocon’s remit than anyone else’s) but everyone wishes they could walk around a corner just _once_ without fear of seeing Charles climb Dany like a hydropipe. 

Incident 11 (supplemental details):

An ensign reported the following conversation:

Charles: Dany?

Daniil: Leclerc?

Charles: Kiss?

[pause]

Charles: Mmm thank you. Another?

Daniil: Yeah, I’m just finishing up. 

[a few moments pass]

Daniil: Okay! Done. My quarters?

Charles: I was thinking… in there?

Daniil: That’s an airlock, Charles. 

Charles: Yes.

Daniil: You want… 

Charles: … to make out in an airlock. Yes. It’ll be fun.

Daniil: No way. 

Charles: It’s private?

Daniil: It’s not privacy I’m worri- Charles. If someone doesn’t realise we’re in there and nudges the wrong button, or we touch the wrong button, we’re dead. 

Charles: Then we just won’t touch the wrong button. 

Daniil: I don’t want to die in the vacuum of space. 

Charles: “Dearly beloved, died doing what he loved best: sucking face.”

[The Ensign assumes the conversation carried on and that kissing did _not_ happen in Airlock 11-Delta, however it is worth noting that at this point they saw an escape and seized it; an action the Captain can find no fault with.]

..

But where Dany and Charles do (or don’t) kiss is not the point. The point of _this_ story is that no one on the ship really understands how Daniel got himself into a command position. First Officer of a star ship. Those are big shoes to fill. 

For the most part, he’s good at his job. He’s a good leader, fair and kind and not afraid to take someone aside for a quiet, stern word. But he just… sometimes it’s like he wakes up and leaves his brain at home. 

..

Daniel doesn’t _mean_ to cause a ship-wide controversy but he also didn’t mean to be promoted to head of the engineering department, and here he is, holding bi-weekly meetings about the warp core. 

It happens, as most major events do, after an away mission. 

Everyone knows that there’s a time and a place to announce your besotted, undying love to a shipmate, it’s after they’ve returned to the ship from a foreign planet, while they’re still blinking transporter haze out of their eyes, and while surrounded by multiple members of crew. 

It happened to T’Lia and Jaspin and they’re married, now. 

Charlie and Meriana do it all the time, but they’re already engaged and it’s more of a running joke between them than anything else. 

Even Jolyon Palmer had attempted it, a few weeks ago, with Marlene, but to say she’d been unreceptive would be an understatement. Not that Jolyon could manage anything more than “you’re back”. 

Daniel doesn’t do any confronting in the transporter room. He’s got no romantic overture to make, he’s not particularly in love (not with anyone on the ship, anyway), and he’s meant to be sleeping off the aftermath of a boisterous training bout he’d led with a bunch of security Ensigns. 

All of those things conspire to create the biggest scandal the _Hermes_ has experienced since the time that one Lieutenant-Commander tried to mutiny against Lewis. 

.. 

It’s a good few months after Pierre and Esteban get together. Everyone has had a chance to get used to calling each other Lieutenant instead of Ensign, and to get used to running into Esteban pressing Pierre up against the nearest flat surface everytime they round a corner. 

Pierre is still just as married to the botany labs as he ever has been, but this time Esteban spends a lot of his off-duty time milling around between lines of trees and bushes and all manner of vaguely sentient plants that really _really_ like to wrap themselves around his elbows. 

“It’s because they spend so much time with me,” Pierre explains. “They love me and I love you and so…” 

“And so they try to tie him up everytime he comes in here?” One of Pierre’s colleagues demands. They love Pierre and they’ve grown to love Esteban but the two of them have an incredibly irritating habit of getting in the way of the germination beds. 

Regardless of how the people around them feel about it, Esteban has become a pretty common feature of the botany labs, and it makes Daniel’s plan make sense. 

Well. 

Daniel’s plan doesn’t make sense to anybody but him. 

But it makes it make a little bit more sense. 

Esteban has just come back from an away mission. He, and a significant portion of the engineering division, had been on a planet-based research station for a week and a half, helping the local staff with a series of nebulous issues they’d been having for months. 

Pierre is, Daniel assumes, in the botany labs. 

This is where things start to go wrong for Daniel. 

He made two incorrect assumptions:

Assumption One: Pierre is in the botany labs. 

Assumption Two: Pierre and Esteban know who his boyfriend is. 

(We’ll revisit assumption two at a later juncture). 

Anyone who has spent any time around Daniel has heard him talk about Esteban and Pierre. 

And by ‘talk about’ they mean ‘stare at in a way that’s disconcerting because no one can tell if he’s looking at them longingly or hornily or both’. 

If you ask George (and by extension Nicholas) when it started, it was when they all got their Lieutenant’s promotions. 

“Because it’s allowed.” 

Technically, as long as the couple have the Captain’s permission, crew members of any rank are allowed to start a relationship together. As a Lieutenant-Commander, there was nothing in the regs that said Daniel couldn’t date an Ensign. But it did look a little odd on paper. 

A Lieutenant-Commander and a Lieutenant, though? Much less eyebrow raising. 

So, anyway, the impression everyone gets is that Pierre and Esteban are made Lieutenants, and Daniel starts letting himself look. 

The whole Rasanthum team had stuck together in the months after the mission. They were all close enough before, but cuddling for warmth and sharing singed mushrooms around a campfire brought more than just Pierre and Esteban together. 

They’ve all had one of Lewis’s patented Official Warnings about standing around in corridors chatting when they should be working. 

A patented Official Warning from Captain Hamilton sounds a lot more like “I totally get it, but you might block the corridor if someone is coming through on a med-bed. Just keep it to the corners. Or the mess hall,” than an actual official warning. 

The upshot of all this is that not only does Daniel do a lot of looking at Pierre and Esteban, he also does a lot of talking with them, too. 

To carry on from that, it means he has inside jokes with them. 

This is where Daniel’s third mistake comes into play. It’s not an assumption - more of a… misjudgement. A misjudgement with hilarious consequences for everyone except Daniel, Pierre, and Esteban. 

..

> AUDIO TRANSMISSION  
>  From: Daniel Ricciardo  
>  To: All Decks

“Oi OI! Lieutenants Ocon and Gasly. I sure hope you haven’t left the _gas on_ because I’ve got a romantic dinner for three with a shit ton of candles and I don’t want to burn the place down!

“Welcome back, Esteban! I know I, for one, am glad to see you gracing our halls with your presence once again. I’m sure Pierre is, too. Um… I asked Grosjean to tell me how to say ‘you’re beautiful’ in French but he just laughed at me (I’m in charge of rosters though so joke’s on him. I’ll have him on Gamma shift for a month). So… _enchante mi boucoups_. Is that right? I think that’s right. 

“Anyway! I’m sure you’ve got very important sex business to get on with, so I’ll keep this short. I was gonna sing, but I was advised to save that for the second date, so I made a little poem for you. Both of you. 

“Esteban. Everytime I look at you I think about how lucky Pierre is.  
Still my heart, I would say. If I was Shakespeare. But alas!  
‘Tis not to be! I am only me, Danny. With a ‘y’ not an  
E.  
But I’m really really into you  
And I hope you’re into me too.  
Not in a boyfriends way just in a consensual sexy way. 

“Pierre. Please consider my offer.  
I’ve thought about it very hard.  
Esteban is a lucky man to have you, too, and I’d love to join in if you’d have me  
Realistically you’ll need to talk about this privately so I’ll wait. Ve---  
Ry patiently. See? So patient. You’re worth it. Please don’t feel pressure, but  
Enchante is what I’d say if you said yes to coming to bed. 

“What do you think? Took me ages to think of acrostic poems. Why do you both have so many ‘e’s in your names? Well, it’s nearly dinner time so I’d better go coitus interruptus George and Nicholas before all the good steak is gone. Love yOU!”

..

######  **~ OPERATION NEMESIS ~**

**Lance: YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GO TO DINNER** **  
** **Lance: DANIEL** **  
** **Lance: LOOK AT YOUR DAMN PHONE YOU IDIOT**

**Nicky: We weren’t having sex but if we were your message sure would have ruined the mood**

**Lando: @ DANIEL** **  
** **Lando: please god tell me he hasn’t gone to get dinner**

**George: please god tell me he has**

**Alex: I CAN’T BELIEVE WE BROUGHT THIS CHAT BACK BC OF DANIEL** **  
** **Alex: I’M CHANGING THE NAME** **  
** **Alex: if he is at dinner it serves him right**

**[ALEX changed the group name to OUR NUMBER 1 IS A NUMBER 1 IDIOT]**

**Daniel: uhh…** **  
** **Daniel: please tell me it’s not what i think it is**

**George: OH IT’S WHAT U THINK IT IS**

**Lando: the whole ship knows ur trying to cradle snatch pierresteban**

**Lance: homewrecker**

**Alex: that’s harsh**

**Lance: is it false?**

**Daniel: oh gOD** **  
** **Daniel: i thought it was TO BOTANY!!!**

**Alex: I’ll get lando to bring u dinner**

**Lando: why me?**

**Alex: the rest of us will just laugh at him. You’ll laugh at him but b nice about it**

..

WHERE PIERRE AND ESTEBAN _ACTUALLY_ ARE WHEN DANIEL TRANSMITS HIS MESSAGE

Pierre isn’t in the Botany labs. 

Esteban was in the Botany labs. Briefly. 

Daniel had watched him make the walk from the transporter room to the botany labs, watched him walk inside to visit Pierre, and he’d thought it would be super romantic and a bit sexy to send them a private message while they were together among Pierre’s ferns. 

But Pierre wasn’t in the Botany labs and Esteban had gone walking the ship to find him. 

Pierre, as it turns out, is in one of the rec rooms playing 3D-chess with Alex. He’s about to actually win the game for the first time in… he doesn’t want to think about it. He’s sure Alex cheats. 

Esteban is in a turbolift with Nedra and a _Vulcan_. The Vulcan’s face doesn’t so much as twitch in response to the message, but you don’t serve on a ship alongside Vulcans without getting to know some of their ticks. It’s clear he thinks Esteban (and by extension, Pierre and Daniel) are idiots. 

He’s not wrong. 

Nedra is a whole other… thing. She’s an Orion and she’s best friends with Meriana and Malia, and she’s got this wonderful dry sense of humour. She also has a very carefully constructed persona she likes to maintain in public. 

Just as Vulcans are known for being emotionless, Orions are known for being… well, unerringly seductive. Obviously, both are damaging, inherently incorrect stereotypes. Nedra _hates_ the role that her species has thrust upon her. Orions are expected to be faultlessly beautiful, flirtatious, undaunted and a bit tactless, and very, very romantic. 

Nedra does her best to run directly in the face of those stereotypes. She wears her hair up, off her forehead. She picked a career as an engineer. She has never, in all the years anyone has known her (and she went through the Academy with Malia), mentioned a relationship. 

Despite all that, Esteban can tell Nedra thinks Daniel’s radio message is incredibly romantic. He sees the blush in her ears, a slightly darker shade of green than her face, when Daniel gets to the acrostic poems. 

When he finds Pierre, Esteban is going to first of all let him double over and press his nervous laugh into Esteban’s chest. And then Esteban will probably laugh, too, so he doesn’t yell. And then they’ll forget all about it. 

They’ll hug each other, and they’ll talk about it, and decide they aren’t embarrassed (not for themselves, anyway), and that the poems were kind of sweet in their misguided way, and Daniel _did_ say it was just for sex, didn’t he. 

But since he’s got a boyfriend… best to just go on as usual. Business as normal.

Best to ignore the fact that they both agree Daniel is really, really attractive. And that they’ve each thought about him in the past. 

For the integrity of the crew, it’s best they just ignore it. 

..

A CONVERSATION OVERHEAD BY A BOTANY ENSIGN

Pierre: Do you think he was serious?

Esteban: He must have been…

Pierre: But. His boyfriend…

Esteban: He thought he was talking to us privately. He didn’t mean to broadcast the whole ship. 

Pierre: Daniel wouldn’t _cheat_!

Esteban: 

Pierre: Este.

Esteban: You think he’s cool with it?

Pierre: He must be, right?

Esteban: Are _you_ cool with it?

[A pause]

Pierre: Well… Are _you_?

[Silence]

Pierre: So should we… investigate?

..

Pierre and Esteban are not exactly trained for Investigations. 

Esteban is an engineer which means he’s about as subtle as a wrench in the middle of a warp core. Pierre, despite being part of the science division, spends ninety percent of his time with plants. 

It means that while other people might have asked their friends, or spent a few days thinking about a plan, the two of them dive straight in to finding out whether Daniel’s boyfriend is, in fact, ‘cool’ with them borrowing Daniel. 

Rather than ask probing questions of Daniel, or Sebastian, or anyone who went on the Rasanthum mission and could be expected to know about his relationship, they go straight to the source. 

Or rather, what they think is the source. 

“Nico!” Esteban catches an unsuspecting Hulkenberg by the elbow. “How’s it going! Did you have a good night last night?”

Nico immediately flushes bright red.

Pierre crows over Esteban’s shoulder. “Were you safe!?” 

(It’s an important question for their end-game.)

Nico stutters until Lewis appears around a corner and Esteban and Pierre peel away from him, pretending innocence. 

..

Nico recovers enough to make the whole situation worse later in the day.

Everyone (other than Pierre and Esteban) is informed of it by a grinning Malia who had overheard the whole thing from a Jeffries tube in the ceiling above their heads. 

“So then Nico told them it was a pretty new thing, and they were making out in medbay when Sebastian walked in and instead of saying anything, he just sort of hummed and turned around and walked out. 

“I wish I’d seen Pierre’s face. He asked if they were trying new things because they were bored, and Nico was like ‘well, we’ve been on the ship for so long…’ He definitely thought Nico was talking about Daniel.” 

Everyone, at this point, swivelled to stare at Lance, who was making a valiant effort to pretend there was a smudge of food on the knee of his trousers. 

“They think Nico and Daniel are into exhibitionism.” That’s George, looking beyond thrilled by this turn of events. “When really… he’s just excited to get to kiss our resident surgical genius a little. Have you guys even done tongue stuff?”

“Tongue stuff!” Nicholas exclaims. “I can’t believe you said that. Kissing privileges revoked.”

..

Knowing (or thinking they know) what they know about Daniel and Nico’s penchant for a thrill in their relationship, Esteban and Pierre kick their investigation up a notch. 

They start talking, very explicitly, to Nico about Daniel. 

“He must be very flexible, right?”

“The size of his waist when he’s out of uniform…”

“Even when he’s _in_ uniform!” 

“Does he kiss like he talks?”

“What does that even _mean_?” 

Nico, bless his heart, never cottons on to what the two of them are thinking. He knows they’re talking about Daniel, he just thinks they’re being weirdly open about their attraction to him because, what? Because Nico is dating (are they dating? They haven’t talked about it) Esteban’s best friend?

It’s not _really_ much of a surprise, that they’re being so open about their attraction to Daniel. There’s a very popular betting ring about them.

..

> [BETTING RING WRITTEN ON A PIECE OF PAPER ON A WALL IN THE DEPTHS OF THE ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT. THE PAPER HAS BEEN ADDED TO WITH PENS, PENCILS, AND, AT ONE POINT, ENGINE GREASE]

**_When Will Ocon and Gasly get caught f*cking in a communal area?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_(ps. What will their punishment be?)_ **

Lt.-Cdr Ingabire: a monday morning by the captain. Punishment a disappointed look.

Esn. Gabittes: late night, 7 weeks from now, punishment court martial  
(failed bet - DR)

Lt. T’Larr: they wont get caught bc ocon works here & will see this  
(no he won’t he never comes this far down hes too tall to fit - DR)

Esn. Norris: THIS MORNING BY ME. HELP

Lt. Levielle: medbay, after one of them is hurt on a mission, punishment cleaning the medbay 

Lt. Smithy: i think this is workplace harassment.  
(your CO says it’s not :)) - DR)

..

The final question, right before Nico is about to reach breaking point, and thankfully the one that convinces Pierre and Esteban that they’ve gathered enough intel, comes early one morning in the turbolift between the mess hall and engineering. It’s just Esteban and Nico. 

“How do you feel about threesomes?”

Nico chokes on his spit. 

“Pardon?”

Esteban’s chin juts out, like it does when he’s particularly concentrated. “Threesomes. What are your thoughts.”

“Um… I guess fine? Like, I’d be secure enough in my own relationship to be fine with that.” 

Esteban completely ignores that Nico had phrased it like a hypothetical and takes it as nothing less than a total green light. 

He nods, pulls out his communicator, sends a message to Pierre. 

**Esteban: game on**

..

A SIDE STORY: HOW LANDO THOUGHT THE SHIP WAS SENTIENT AND HOW THE TEAM CONSPIRE TO GET HIM A GIRLFRIEND. 

Part One: takes place immediately after the ceremony promoting Alex, Silvano, Meriana, Pierre, and Esteban to Lieutenants

######  **~ Best of the Science Div (Plus Lando and Esteban) ~**

**Lance: we’re having drinks in the rec room across from medbay tonight. 1700**

**Esteban: we’re in!**

**Alex: I might be a little late. Talking to lily**

**George: me and Nicholas are coming** **  
** **George: how are you ALWAYS on the phone to lily??**

**Alex: why are YOU always talking about nicky like you’re joined at the hip?**

**George: we’re no worse than pierre and este**

**Lando: yea but we expect that from them** **  
** **Lando: we expected more from you guys**

**Alex: I don’t know why we did. Since george was sending us horny emojis from the second nicky set foot on this ship**

**George: to be fair, this time i couldn’t answer. Dropped my communicator in a vat of iodine. (this is nicky)**

**Lance: and THAT is why we’re havin drinks. The rest of us need alcohol to get through the choas these two caused**

.. 

The rec room opposite the medbay is the least used of them all. Fleet regulations require every deck of a Star ship (minus the bridge) to have at least one. It’s intended to foster healthy relationships between crew members, and provide everyone with a public place to unwind. 

But just because every deck has a rec room doesn’t mean that every rec room is used. There’s one in the depths of the engineering department, on a deck that’s all gantries and grated flooring. No one ever goes there because, well, it’s right above the engine, it’s really hot, and if more than one crew member is down there they have to walk in a single file. 

Still, because of the regulations, there’s a glorified cupboard with one mug, a fold out chair, and a tin of biscuits that hasn’t been touched since the _Hermes_ was commissioned. 

The medbay rec room is nowhere near as bad. There’s nothing even wrong with it, if you don’t mind the lingering scent of disinfectant. It‘s just one of those rooms everyone knows about but never thinks of using when the time comes. 

The only reason they’re using it now is so Sebastian can make a quick get away if anyone shows up with a medical emergency. 

“So. Lieutenant pips, huh?” Silvano slings an arm around Marlene’s shoulders. “You’re gonna have to start being nicer to me now. Since I’m your ranking officer.”

Marlene frowns at him in disgust. “I absolutely will not.” 

“It’ll be good practice for when I’m a Commander.”

“That will literally never happen. You hate command.” 

“I don’t hate command.”

“You once asked a trainee to hold the door of an airlock closed while you fetched an emergency bracket, but only ‘if it wasn’t too much trouble.’ You hate command.”

“You hate command, too.”

“I never said I wanted to be a Commander, Silvano. Any higher than Lieutenant and there’s too many distractions from my work.” 

Charlie, who is passing by with a tray of drinks in one hand and a bowl of snacks in the other, stops to agree with Marlene. “Marly’s right. The amount of paperwork I had to do after they promoted me wasn’t worth the stripes.” 

“That’s a goddamn lie Charlotte and you know it!” It’s Meriana, whose hearing aid makes her scarily attuned to conversations even across the room. 

Charlie offers the tray of drinks with a flourish. “It’s true. I wore them to bed.” She gives them all a leering smirk. “Sparkling wine?” 

..

Lando is head down ass up, rifling through a cupboard for a packet of crisps he knows is there, when it happens. 

Everyone has left the rec room and he’d seen Sebastian look around before sneaking the best flavour of crisps into the cupboard under the food replicator before he’d gone. Lando will be taking custody of it. 

“You know he has all the resources to kill you and make it look like an accident, right?”

Lando hits his head on the top of the cupboard. 

The voice, female, vaguely familiar but too distorted by… well, presumably something supernatural, for him to recognise it, fills the room. 

“Oh my god!” He shrieks, half in pain, half genuinely concerned he is about to be possessed. 

He’s heard stories about it. Of sentient beings infiltrating starships and appropriating the bodies of crew members. Always a red shirt. It’s always a red shirt. Lando should have paid more attention in physics. 

“What do you want?” He pleads, still in the cupboard (like that will help him). “Who are you?” 

“Rude,” the sentient being says. “I thought we were friends.”

_Huh?_

There’s a rattle and then a loud bang and then there’s a hand on the small of his back. Lando jolts and bangs his head again. 

He pushes the thing away, wriggling his way out of the cupboard, hand grabbing uselessly at his hip for the phaser he’d left on his bed. 

He’s just decided to try his luck with a good old fashioned sucker punch when he gets a good look at the creature. 

“ _Malia??_ ” He pats himself down, checking he’s alive. “Where did you _come from_?!”

Malia grins at him and shakes her head. “Nope. I heard you were looking for crisps?”

Lando goes back in the cupboard and they end up sharing the bag between them. 

.. 

######  **~ Best of the Science Div (Plus Lando and Esteban) ~**

**Lando: I think the ship is sentient**

**Alex: thought that was just malia**

**Lando: no it’s the ship this time for real**

**Daniel: ffs have you been talking to sebastian again**

**Lando: No, really. It’s talking to me**

**Nicky: okay, Lando, i’m on shift in a few hours, come past the medbay i’ll check you out**

**George: come by my room and check ME out 😏**

**Lando: no i’m not sick imm being serious!** **  
** **Lando: i was talking out loud yesterday and it told me to shut up**

**Lance: that could just have been any crew member**

**Lando: it warned me when Nedra was round the corner**

**George: why are you avoiding her anyway?** **  
** **George: do you have a cruuush on her?**

**[…LANDO is typing…]**

**George: YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HER**

**..**

######  **~ OPERATION GET LANDO [REDACTED] ~**

**George: PIERRE! ESTEBAN! GET IN HERE. IT’S UR CHANCE TO PLAY MATCHMAKER**

**Esteban: get lando fucked?**

**George: cuddled. But also.. yes**

**Lance: we’re doing this again ?**

**Alex: Nedra could kill lando**

**George: and he’d lvoe it**

**Nicky: i don;t think she even wants a relationship**

**George: honey. You didn’t give her her flu shot last month**

**Nicky: ???**

**George: the woman is touch starved**

**Pierre: doesn’t mean she wants a relationship**

**Lance: you don’t have a leg to stand on mr ‘I’ll whine if i dont; have a human pillow’**

**Pierre: este you told him??**

**Esteban: i tell him a lot of things**

**Pierre: we will discuss this**

**Alex: so anyway! Nedra. Lando.** **  
** **Alex: we really think that’s a good idea?**

**George: i never have bad ideas**

**Daniel: you frequently do**

**George: name one**

**Daniel: you want me to do that in front of your boyfriend?**

**George: so Nedra and Lando?!**

..

Part Two: takes place in the unused rec room on the engineering floor

[A shriek from the engineering rec room]

Lando: You have got to stop doing that! 

Malia: What are you doing in here? 

Lando: Hiding from Nedr- What are YOU doing here? 

Malia: I was just chilling and I heard someone in here. Came to see if you’d got stuck. 

Lando: No you didn’t. 

Malia: No I didn’t. 

Lando: What are you doing in the vents anyway?

Malia: So only engineers are allowed in the vents? 

Lando: That’s not what I said. 

Malia: they’re comfy. 

Lando: ….

Malia: It’s fun to freak you out? 

Lando: … 

Lando: YOURE THE GOD VOICE!!!

Malia: Well thanks. If you say so. 

Malia: So. Why are you hiding from Nedra? 

..

Nedra is stunning, is the thing. She’s tall and she’s got this way of walking that looks a bit like she’s dancing and also stalking something. She’s the only Orion on the _Hermes_ and she’s a freaking genius and Lando is honestly kinda scared of her. 

She’s also really, really funny. And she speaks to Lando like he’s got intelligent things to say, except he always messes it up when she’s listening so he’s sure she’s going to stop thinking that very, very soon.

She’s beautiful and she’s funny and she’s smart and she’s also _tall_ and Lando has stopped even bothering to deny that he’s got a crush on her. 

Which means he has to hide from her. 

Because he can’t control his blood vessels and that means he turns red enough to blend in with his own bloody uniform shirt every time she’s around. 

..

Malia has an accomplice, of course she does.

Actually, she has two: Marlene and Charlie. They’re both inordinately pleased to have an excuse to go ferreting through Jeffries tubes. Marly leaves a stash of snacks near a humidity reader somewhere in the vents of deck eight. Charlie and Malia know about them in theory - they’ve seen her emerge with packets of chips or chocolate bars - but they’ve never figured out where they are. 

Charlie doesn’t have any secret hiding places in the vents, she just likes the ambiance of the Jeffries tubes. They’re big enough that she can sit cross-legged in them and only have to bend her head a little. It’s comforting, to be so closely surrounded by the ship and to know that no one is going to sneak up on her. 

She suspects it’s why Marly keeps food up here: not because she doesn’t like sharing, but so she can get some peace and quiet for longer. 

Anyway. The mission they’ve both inherited from Malia is simple: make sure Lando thinks the ship has been inhabited by an invisible but sentient being. To do that, they have to speak to Lando both while he’s alone _and_ when he’s with Malia. 

He already knows about Malia’s jaunt through the vents, already feels a bit embarrassed for thinking the ship had actually become sentient. But if he sees the exact same thing happening while Malia is clearly beside him, well… Only an idiot would turn an opportunity like that down. 

It’s got the added benefit of letting the three of them really put Operation Get Lando Redacted into practice. 

George had told them about their plans to get Lando talking to Nedra, and the girls think they can do much better. 

They’ll funnel Lando through the ship until he has no choice but to speak to her. And then they’ll mess around with him, possibly with Nedra too, since she seems determined to pretend she hates romance, and then bam! Before any of the science boys have a chance to think about executing their own plan, Nedra and Lando will already be holding hands. 

(The Vulcans can get over it. The rest of the crew have to see them making moon eyes at each other and speaking through their mind-bonds, they can deal with a little public human hand holding.)

..

In the bathroom on the engineering deck.

Vent voice: aren’t you going to wash your hands?

[A shriek]

Lando: I… yes? Who’s there?

Vent voice: Use soap. 

Lando: Seriously, Malia I know it’s you. 

[Silence]

Vent voice: Malia is on duty on the bridge right now.

Lando: hah. Yeah right. 

In the mess room, in the middle of the night. Lando is the only one there.

Lando: man, this chicken is dry. 

Vent voice: spit on it. 

Lando: huh?

Vent voice: spit. On it. Moist. 

Lando: kakkgh no! Shh! 

Vent voice: Can you not spit? If you’re dehydrated you should visit the medbay. 

Lando: oh my god Malia, I’ll just get ketchup. 

In the corridor of deck seven. Lando is arguing about the best flavour of soft drink with Malia.

Vent voice: It’s a type of Andorian soda water. 

Lando: What’s it like?

Malia: huh? What’s what like?

Lando: Andorian soda water.

Malia: Ew no. That stuff came out my nose when I tried it last year! 

Vent voice: The reward is worth it though. It’s blue! 

Lando: Malia? Can you, like, hum or something? 

[Humming the Federation anthem]

Vent voice: I’ve also heard the Orion’s have a special soft drink. You should ask Nedra about it. 

Lando: oh shit. 

In Lando’s quarters, he’s half-asleep, getting dressed for his shift that starts in ten minutes.

Vent voice: She likes it when you don’t put product in your hair. So it’s all fluffy. 

Lando: _Hermes_???

Vent voice: _Finally_. Hi, Lando. 

Lando: H-hi… Sorry that I thought you were… you know. 

Vent voice: Shh. Seriously. Keep your hair fluffy. And wear that shirt you shrunk in the wash last week. It makes your arms look good. 

In the tiny engineering rec room.

Vent voice: why do you hide from her?

Lando: I never know what to say. 

Vent voice: You could compliment her?

Lando: I don’t want to sound like a creep… 

Vent voice: About her work! Not her appearance. She’s Orion, she hears enough of that. 

Lando: She is _so good_ at sorting out equipment when they’re overheating. And at reverse engineering. And that one time, it was before you were here, I think, when she squeezed into the tiniest crawl space just so we wouldn’t have to take an airlock out of commission… 

Vent voice: There you go! Tell her that!

In the tiny engineering rec room, once again.

Vent voice: That went well!

Lando: It was terrible! She practically ran away from me. 

Vent voice: Did you not see her ears! She was blushing! She’s shy, it went well I promise you. Next step: ask her to have a meal with you. 

Lando: I can’t _ask her out for dinner!_

Vent voice: Not for dinner. Breakfast. Less people in the mess room. Less pressure. But bring her flowers, from the botany lab. 

Lando: … What sort of flowers? 

Vent voice: Blue ones would look good with her skin. 

Lando: I don’t want to sound like a cannibal.

Vent voice: Tell her you saw them and thought they suited her. That’s all you have to say. Ones that smell nice.

In Lando’s quarters, at night.

Lando: Hello? _Hermes?_ Are you busy?

[silence]

Lando: I guess even you have to sleep. I’ve never asked you if you sleep…

Lando: I can’t believe it worked. 

Lando: Nedra loved the flowers. She told me no one’s ever served her coffee and porridge with flowers before. 

Lando: And then I was dumb and said I bet no one’s ever been stupid enough to ask her out for breakfast and instead of teling me it’s ridiculous or whatever, she just kinda smiled and agreed. 

Lando: She said she bet no one’s ever asked me out for lunch before, and I said yes, actually, but it’s always just Alex and I don’t want to kiss Alex. 

Lando: Um… She asked if I want to kiss her. So, I remembered what you said about her being Orion and I said no. Or… I said I don’t _just_ want to kiss her. I also want to play 3D chess with her and have her teach me how to rig the computer to give me a high score in my video games. And then maybe have her cuddle me, afterwards. 

Lando: And she just _grinned_ at me. Fuck, she’s so pretty. So I guess I have a girlfriend now? 

Lando: Actually I know I do. She said so. She held my hand in the turbolift. 

In the bathroom on the engineering deck, we’ve come full circle.

Vent voice: I’m so happy for you!

Lando: Thanks! It’s because of you!

Vent voice: I need to come clean about something. 

[silence]

Vent voice: _We_ need to come clean about something. 

Lando: Oh! There’s more than one of you! I’m so sorry, if I’d known you were a symbiote I would have… I don’t know. Talked about you to people as plural? 

Vent voice: Not exactly. 

Vent voice: Can you step away from the wall?

[silence, then the sound of metal hitting the bathroom floor]

Lando: OH MY GOD! MARLY! CHARLIE??? 

Lando: WHAT THE FUCK!

Charlie: The _Hermes_ never turned sentient. 

Marly: We were just helping you!

Charlie: Since apparently you were never going to make a move on your own. 

Lando: I… you… how?

Marly: Jeffries tubes. 

Lando: But. You were in my bedroom. 

Marly: Nope. Vent in the ceiling just outside your door. Very good acoustics. 

Lando: Which one of you told me to spit on my chicken?

Charlie: Which one do you think? 

[Silence]

Lando: I actually… can’t answer that. You’re both as bad as each other. 

..

BACK TO THE MAIN STORY (takes place concurrently with Lando’s Adventures with the Vents)

Pierre and Esteban have discussed it. ‘It’ being hooking up with Daniel. 

They both find him attractive, did even before they got together, and they’ve both agreed that as long as no one catches any feelings, they’re fine with Daniel kissing either one of them. 

“It doesn’t even have to be at the same time,” they agree. It makes sense, with the bizarre schedules they all keep, for Pierre to be able to kiss Daniel a little if Esteban is busy in engineering. And vice versa. 

The question they _don’t_ ask each other is what Daniel would think of it all. After that radio message they’re pretty confident he’ll be receptive to their initial approach. Anything after telling him they’re both into it and would like to do “say yes to coming to bed” with Daniel can be talked about later. 

“I’m nervous,” Esteban confesses, when he’s got his back pressed to Pierre’s in bed. “There’s only ever really been you.”

Pierre rolls over so he can tuck his chin over Este’s bare shoulder. “I love you.” 

“You don’t have to say it first all the time.”

“I know.” He presses a kiss to the wing of Este’s shoulder. “But I like to.” 

“Where do you want to do it?” He means where do they want to tell Daniel that they’re open to… whatever he was offering. 

Pierre thinks about it. He’s got an idea but… it’s a bit personal. Maybe a little too close to their own relationship, perhaps something Esteban wouldn’t want to let Daniel in on. 

“I was thinking the observation deck.”

Esteban is quiet. He hums low in his throat. “Yeah. That’s nice.”

Pierre presses his teeth, just the front few of the top row, against the nape of Esteban’s neck. The sharp little hairs there tickle his nose, itch his top lip. He knows Esteban is thinking about the same thing he is, all the times they’ve sat together on the observation deck, holding hands, looking out at the stars. 

“Smell good,” he murmurs, just to jog Esteban’s memory. Just in case. Just on the off-chance he’s not thinking about the first time they sat there… 

.. 

> LOCATION: OBSERVATION DECK  
>  TIME: 1128 ship’s time  
>  TIME ELAPSED SINCE RECOVERY FROM RASANTHUM: 82 hours

Pierre sits curled into Esteban’s neck. Tucks his face in close, crown of his head under the proud chin, breath huffing out just where Este’s collar stops. 

It’s warm. Dark. 

Smells like sweat and laundry soap, and the clean metal of the engineering department that Pierre still isn’t used to. 

“Smell good.” 

Esteban’s throat moves against his face. “Yeah?” 

Pierre presses his face in deeper, nods. 

He’d have said more, before. Probably. Back before everything happened between them. Pull back to let Esteban tease him about having a better sense of smell than a bloodhound just so Pierre could respond with a comment about the size of Estaban’s nose. 

Now, this - Esteban’s neck, the _warmdarksafe_ of it all - outweighs the pleasure of making him laugh. It’s enough, it’s good just to sit here on the observation deck, with his hand tucked into Esteban’s belt loops and his mouth tucked right up next to his carotid artery. 

When Esteban clears his throat, Pierre realises he’s nodded off a little, lulled by Esteban’s heartbeat and the blur of stars in front of them. 

“Pierre?” 

Pierre grunts. 

Esteban’s throat jumps under his cheek as he goes to speak and changes his mind. He is still long enough that Pierre gives up and tucks back in for another go at his nap.

“I love you.” Esteban says. 

Pierre’s face is already loose with sleep and contentment so he doesn’t smile, but he closes his eyes against the little thrill of pleasure it always gives him. 

Because he’s so close to Esteban (his carotid really is just right by Pierre’s mouth) he notices the tiny changes he might (unlikely) miss were they sitting apart.

Esteban’s heart is racing fit to burst under his skin.

Pierre sighs. He doesn’t bother moving his head, just mumbles into Este’s neck, “Love you, too, idiot. Now shut up. Tired.” 

He presses a dry kiss to the soft secret skin behind Esteban’s ear. Este’s heart tapers off to its usual damp thudding. His fingers fidget at the nape of Pierre’s neck, ferreting through his hair, no doubt fuzzing it up. 

If Pierre weren’t on the verge of sleep he’d scold him. As it is, he tightens his grip on Esteban’s belt loops and closes his eyes. 

..

It’s decided, then. The observation deck. 

Somehow, with how leery Daniel is acting about being around the two of them, they’re going to lure Daniel to look at the stars with him and they’re going to woo him. 

Esteban says he’s clearly already sufficiently wooed, but it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing they should take for granted. 

Daniel does everything in his power not to be alone in the same room as them. When other people are around it’s fine - normal, even. But even so, it’s obvious he’s embarrassed, and the length of time it’s taken Pierre and Esteban to work out that they want Daniel back has made the embarrassment even more potent. 

Luckily, however, they have a bunch of scheming friends. And Daniel’s boyfriend. 

Pierre corners Nico the next morning. 

“What’s Daniel’s favourite song?”

Nico takes a while to answer. “I’m… not sure.” 

That makes sense. Pierre doesn’t think he could even answer that question about himself. “His favourite artist?”

Nico seems to realise the only way he’s going to escape from impromptu question time is if he gives in. He provides Pierre with three potential options and ducks into the nearest supply closet. 

It’s Esteban’s turn at lunch time. He joins Nico where he’s eating with Silvano, Nedra, and Lance, leaning across the table to address Nico. 

“Does Daniel drink a lot?”

“Like water? I don’t know. Ask his doctor.” 

Lance rolls his eyes directly at Nico and turns to ask Silvano about a heater that’s acting up in his room. 

“No, like alcohol. I know he drinks at staff parties, but does he do it in private?”

Esteban is rewarded with a blank stare from Nico. “Why are you asking me?”

“Well, I can’t exactly ask him!”

Nico sighs into his plate of salad. “I bought him a bottle of prosecco for his birthday, once.” 

_Prosecco. Excellent_ . Esteban knows for a _fact_ that Grosjean has a stash of bottles he’d brought with him from the space dock. 

..

Pierre’s next job is to ask about the flowers. Obviously. 

He catches Nico in one of the rec rooms, playing pool. Lance is draped along his back, chin hooked over Nico’s shoulder while he lines up his cue. Probably, if Pierre’s experience with getting coerced into yet another top up vaccine against Rigellian Fever is anything to go by, trying to convince Nico to submit himself to be prodded by needles. 

“Hulk?” Pierre takes the fact that Nico has stopped resisting his and Esteban’s questions as a sign of his approval. Nothing worse than trying to start a threesome with someone who’s boyfriend isn’t onboard with it. “Does Daniel like violets?” 

Nico’s shoulders sag. Lance is definitely putting too much weight on him. “Dare I ask why?”

Never one to pass up the opportunity to talk about his Botany lab, Pierre nods happily. “The Ensigns got a massive crop growing and we’ve got violets falling out our ears. Este and I are planning on decorating the obs deck… He said I should check Daniel wasn’t allergic or something.”

Lance mutters something into the skin just under Nico’s ear that sounds suspiciously like “I wish I was allergic to you”, but Pierre ignores him. 

Nico shakes his head. “He’s not allergic, Pierre. It’s all good.”

 _It’s all good_. 

It’s the same message Pierre relays to Esteban that evening, when he’s tugging his sleep shirt over his head and climbing into bed. 

“It’s all good. Are you sure we’re all free tomorrow evening?”

..

> SCHEDULE F1-A67. FLOOR PLAN. USS HERMES.  
>  SUB-SECTION: Observation Deck

The observation deck is, in addition to the several recreation and mess rooms, a location for off-duty personnel to relax. On-duty personnel may also choose to take a meal break here. 

Usually, the observation deck will remain available 24/7. However, individuals or groups may reserve the room for their private use for small blocks of time. The exact way such reservations are made is left to the discretion of the Captain. 

In extreme circumstances, the observation deck may be requisitioned to serve as an extended Bridge (e.g. the observation window may serve as a backup to the main viewscreen in case of a malfunction, natural disaster, or attack).

FEATURES:

  * Floor to ceiling, wall to wall observation window overlooking the left nacelle.



[handwritten] _if u stand with ur back to the painting of ocean u can’t see any of the ship, only deep space_

  * Semi-permanent dining tables (x5). When not in use tables may be folded and stored in the cupboard parallel to the window.  
  

  * Replicator (provides complete range of beverages, and snacks. Excludes standard meals).  
  

  * Selected paintings/photographs. Ideally the art will reflect the home planets and cultures of _all_ crew members. (See the _Hermes’_ collection see pages 223-225 of Schedule F1-C67 for comprehensive list of art displayed.)  
  

  * Large recessed sofa. Pressing ‘C’ on the control panel will reveal seating area. When not in use, please ensure the couch is stowed away. IMPORTANT NOTE: SOFA IS STORED UNDER THE FLOOR. FLOORING WILL MOVE. PLEASE ENSURE ALL LIMBS AND PERSONAL BELONGINGS ARE KEPT FREE OF THIS AREA WHEN SOFA IS IN MOTION.



[handwritten] _yes we’ve got an open medical file on couch related incidents. No i can’t tell you about the time lewis got his trouser leg stuck in there and had to call for help_

  * Surround-sound stereo system.



[handwritten] _Engineering is working on fixing the bug that sends life-support systems off-line if you play D &B. Everything else is fine. _

  * [handwritten] _THERE IS A SECURITY FEED THAT IS SAVED DIRECTLY TO THE COMMUNICATIONS SECTION._ _PLEASE DO NOT_ _HAVE SEX ON THE OBSERVATION DECK. WE HAVE TO SURVEY THE TAPES EVERY WEEK. PLEASE._



..

> SUMMARY OF OBSERVATION DECK SECURITY FEED
> 
> START AT (ship’s time): 1902  
>  RUN TIME: 01:26:37  
>  PERSONNEL PRESENT: Lt. Esteban Ocon; Lt. Pierre Gasly; Lt.-Cdr. Daniel Ricciardo

Esteban and Pierre enter the observation deck together. They are holding hands. They are laughing, but it is unclear what at. Pierre is holding a bottle of prosecco in his free hand. 

They have already set up the room. The sofa has been raised, oriented to face the observation window, and is decorated with several large colourful throw cushions and blankets. There are further cushions and blankets on the floor. 

In front of the sofa is a low table with a 3D-chess set, a cheese board, and a bouquet of violets on it. Pierre sits the prosecco next to the chess board. 

Esteban and Pierre sit on the couch. They continue their conversation. Esteban’s hand is on Pierre’s knee. 

[fast-forward] 

Daniel enters the room. He appears cautious but not overly apprehensive. 

Pierre and Esteban look up, various levels of excitement visible on their faces. Esteban is trying to appear stoic. He fails. They greet each other. 

Daniel sits down between Esteban and Pierre. Pierre’s thigh is touching Daniel’s knee. They are all still in work uniforms. Pierre stands out: the only blond, the only one in blue, the smallest, sitting closest to the stars. 

As conversation progresses, the three of them get more and more comfortable with each other. Daniel has stopped blushing. 

There is enough prosecco for them to have one glass each. 

Esteban clearly wants to hold Daniel’s hand but he keeps holding himself back. Eventually, Pierre visibly sighs, and puts his own hand palm up on Daniel’s knee. Esteban leans into Daniel’s space to put his own hand in it. They all look at each other from close up. Daniel slowly covers Esteban’s hand with his own. He scoots his other hand between his knee and Pierre’s knuckles so he’s cupping their clasped hands in his. 

There is no movement for a long time. 

Daniel is the first to break the silence. When he does, Pierre laughs the hardest he has all night - he looks almost embarrassed - and the three of them stand up in unison. 

They don’t take the cheese with them when they leave. 

Zooming in on the music player reveals that track four of ABBA’s _Super Trouper_ album (1980) was playing. 

..

CONVERSATION BETWEEN COMMUNICATIONS STAFF:

A: You’re not meant to editorialise the transcripts.

B: Yeah but… 

A: And you’re not meant to go into so much detail!

B: I know… 

A: Was it a slow day?

A: Don’t answer that. 

B: Sorr-

A: Did they kiss? 

A: You’re telling me you watched them for a whole one and a half hours and they didn’t even _kiss_?? 

B: If they go on another date I’ll email you the transcript if they do kiss. 

A: Don’t let Marly overhear you saying that. 

B: As if she wouldn’t encourage me!

..

Daniel is really concerned with making it good for them, since he’s the one who propositioned them over the radio. 

He lets them know exactly that on their way towards the crew quarters. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to my room? I set it up all nice, just in case.” 

Esteban laughs at him. “Very certain that we were a sure thing, weren’t you?”

“Don’t tease him,” Pierre warns, but his smile is sharp. “We set up _our_ room all nice, too. Just in case.” 

“We were also very certain that you were a sure thing.” 

Daniel likes this side of Esteban - the gentle taunting, the fond glint in his eye. Surety is a good look on him. 

His attitude makes Daniel think that Esteban will be the one to make the first move, once the door to their room shuts behind them. Daniel is so sure of it, in fact, that he’s turning his face up toward Esteban at the exact moment that Pierre’s hand settles over his hip. 

“May I?”

Daniel’s brain blanks out and he nods despite not really knowing what Pierre is asking for. Whatever it is, it’s a yes. 

What it is is a kiss. A slow, soft press of lips. Pierre smells good. His cologne is sweet and it settles at the top of Daniel’s nose, right at the back of his soft palette, in the palms of his hands. Underneath it, there’s something darker, fresher. The smell of wet soil from the lab he works at all day. 

“May _I_?” The same question, this time from Daniel’s other side. Pierre pulls back and Esteban replaces him. He’s wearing something stronger than Pierre, something closer to the cologne Daniel favours for himself. And he smells like hot metal and dilithium - an occupational hazard for anyone working near the warp core. 

Daniel hopes he himself doesn’t carry the smell of his own job. 

The Bridge doesn’t smell any different to the rest of the ship, but the security team’s home base is the gym… Whatever Pierre and Esteban are smelling on him can’t be too off-putting though because Pierre’s hands are still on his hips and Esteban is licking over the line of Daniel’s teeth. 

The three of them kiss, back and forward, for a good long while. They settle on the sofa, Daniel in the middle with Pierre and Esteban curled in over both his shoulders, their knees all knocking together. 

Daniel is hard, and he’d felt Esteban’s erection press into his hip when he’d leaned across Daniel to kiss Pierre. He gets his hands on their waistbands - just one hand on each, pretty useless in practice, but enough of a hint to start the process of getting naked. 

The benefits of three people getting naked together is that the kissing doesn’t have to stop when they remove their shirts. Daniel and Pierre wait until Esteban’s uniform is on the ground, and then Pierre subs out to remove his own shirt. 

When it’s Daniel’s turn, he pulls his head out of the thermal undershirt to the sight of two of the hottest men on the ship snogging each other breathless. 

He doesn’t bother to hold back his moan. They both grin at him, pleased and proud and, yes, cocky. 

Daniel laughs at his own joke. He’s still got his underwear on, but he’s not thinking about himself right now. Not when they’re standing inches away from him, fully naked and basically glowing.

Still smiling to himself, thinking he’ll have to use that pun on Michael one day, Daniel starts to get to his knees. He’s barely crouching down before there are two sets of hands around his upper arms, pulling him back up.

“No,” Pierre says. “We made you wait and stress out about having offended us. You’ve done enough work.” He kisses Daniel’s cheek, oddly sweet, given the circumstances. 

Esteban nods. “Just let us take care of you.” 

Daniel complains, just a little bit, just because he feels like that’s polite. And also because letting them take care of him sounds wonderful but… there’s so much he wants to do with them. They’re both fucking gorgeous, and they’re even _more_ gorgeous when they’re naked and giving each other bedroom eyes and, frankly, Daniel wants to sit on Esteban’s dick for purely selfish reasons. What if this is the only chance he gets? 

He says as much. Esteban blushes, and oh. Daniel didn’t know he embarrassed so easily. He’ll have to remember that for the next time Esteban steals the last muffin in the mess hall. 

“We live on the same ship.” Esteban is studiously pretending that he isn’t red all the way to his ears. “You know where our rooms are. We don’t have to do everything now. Be patient a little.” 

“Oh,” Pierre interjects, and fuck, isn’t that something? Seeing the two of them rib each other from this close. “As if you’re the saint of patience and good will.” 

Esteban: “Can you just shut up. I want to see your mouth on his tattoos.”

And so Pierre walks Daniel backwards until he’s lying on the bed, and then he sets his mouth against the red ink on Daniel’s thigh. It’s wet and it’s warm and then there’s a hint of teeth and it stings so good, just the way Daniel likes it, and he’s keening and flexing his thighs up into Pierre’s mouth. 

No one’s even touched his cock yet, and he’s already embarrassingly needy. 

Esteban is at his neck, kissing there, more gentle than Pierre, at first. He presses the flat of his tongue just under Daniel’s ear. “Have you heard the one about florist’s hands?” 

Daniel shakes his head, not even caring about the mirth in Esteban’s voice. “Wh- what about them?

“Oh, nothing, really,” Esteban’s grin is tight against Daniel’s jugular. “Just that Pierre has really good ones. Do you want to see for yourself?” 

Pierre pulls away from Daniel’s thigh like that was a signal and, knowing these two, it probably was. 

“Can I take these off, Daniel?” he asks, so sweet. He slips the pad of one finger under the waistband of Daniel’s briefs. Daniel nods. He nods and nods and lifts his hips up to let Pierre work his underwear all the way off. 

When he’s fully naked, both Pierre and Esteban whistle at him. 

“Fuck.” It seems to be all Pierre is capable of saying.

Esteban clearly agrees. “ _Merde_. You’re stunning. Have you ever fingered yourself?” 

Okay, then. Straight to the point. Daniel blushes, but nods. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I have. Yes.”

Pierre seems to get his words back. “Would you like me to finger you?” He’s glancing between Daniel and the crest of Daniel’s shoulder where Esteban has propped his chin and is breathing cool, ticklish puffs of air down at Daniel’s nipples. 

“Yes.” Daniel can’t stop nodding. And then he can’t stop laughing because Pierre gives a happy little wriggle as he moves from between Daniel’s legs to his back. 

“Yay,” Pierre’s nipples are hard against Daniel’s shoulder blades. “Este, babe, my fingers are gonna be in him.” He leans forward and they kiss, right in front of Daniel. If he stuck out his tongue he could brush their lips. 

He realises they’re all naked and they’re talking about anal and the last time he kissed them seems like hours ago. It hardly seems fair. 

He says as much and Esteban pulls away from Pierre with a wicked grin. 

“You kiss Pierre a little, then.” He waits for Pierre’s nose to brush Daniel’s, something sweet and tender about it, before moving down the bed. 

Pierre kisses slow and attentively, holds Daniel’s chin with one hand and the cradle of his head with the other. Daniel startles when he feels warm breath on the head of his dick. 

“Okay?” Esteban asks and when Daniel makes a hurried ‘mhm’, muffled from where he’s got his mouth against Pierre’s neck, Esteban presses the flat of his tongue against Daniel’s cockhead. 

He sucks slowly, methodically, teasing. Daniel knows he’s teasing because Pierre whispers it in his ear, like it’s their secret. “Este likes to go slow. Really tease it out. He’s good at it, hm?” 

_Yeah. Yeah, he’s brilliant at it_. 

Daniel lets his eyes fall closed while Esteban slowly takes him deeper, and Pierre sucks bruises into his neck. He opens them again when Pierre’s hands skate down his belly, lingering at his flanks, stroking at his hip bones. He sees them dart into Esteban’s hair just as Esteban’s nose comes level with Daniel’s pelvis. 

Esteban pulls back and all the way off, blinking up at Daniel and grinning. The sight of the two of them - red-lipped and naked and beaming up at Daniel - is almost too much. He nods, for lack of anything better to do. 

“I’m clean,” Daniel says. “I showered before I came here.” 

Pierre’s happy little wriggle makes another reappearance. He slides himself down the bed, just enough so his head is resting on the mattress with his forehead at Daniel’s waistline. 

“Pass me the lube, then, Commander.”

Daniel shudders. “Please _never_ call me that again. Oh my god!” He’s laughing and Pierre is laughing, and Esteban is giggling into Daniel’s thigh. It’s wonderful. 

When Pierre squeezes the lube onto his fingers he holds them up for Daniel to, what? Inspect? 

“This okay?” 

Esteban pops up to make eye contact. “He does this all the time. Fucking science staff and their need for validation.” 

Pierre wipes his fingers down the side of Esteban’s cheek. “You’re the one fucking a science staffer. _I’m_ fucking an engineering grunt head. Oh, god, now _two_ engineering grunt heads.”

Daniel decides he’s feeling left out of the bickering. “I’m actually not engineering…” 

“No,” Pierre says mournfully. “You’re a security grunt. That’s worse.” He adds more lube to his fingers though, so that’s a good sign. 

..

They don’t let Daniel leave. He appreciates that. He’s always liked a good cuddle and it’s even nicer getting to be the big and the little spoon at the same time.

Esteban asks the computer to play some soft music and turn the lights down, and they all lie in the bed that’s almost too small for two people let alone three. 

Pierre can’t keep his hands off Daniel’s ass and Daniel has noticed that if he rubs the little hairs at the back of Esteban’s neck between his fingers he can make goosebumps appear all the way down to Esteban’s shins. 

Eventually, when it starts getting hard to keep his eyes open, Daniel gives a happy little sigh. 

“Wow. I can’t wait to tell my boyfriend about this.” 

Pierre smiles into Daniel’s chest. “He already knows.” 

Daniel laughs. “Well, yeah. I told him before I wrote you those poems. He knows we were doing this…” 

“Oh, we know. Wouldn’t have done this, otherwise.” Pierre runs curious fingers over the little astronaut on Daniel’s arm. 

Esteban presses his teeth to the wing of Daniel’s shoulder. “We’ve talked about your dick with him.” 

Pause. 

Daniel moves, enough that he’s lying on his back, looking up at the two of them. “Haha.” 

Twin sets of French eyebrows frown down at him. 

“I sure hope you _haven’t_ talked to Michael about my dick. Otherwise I need to have a conversation with the captain about updating our interplanetary phone call encryption software.” 

“What.”

“Who is Michael?”

And, okay. This is not a lying down conversation. Daniel sits up, the sheet pooling in his lap. 

“Michael is my boyfriend.” When they still look confused, he continues. “He lives in Perth. On Earth. I’m judging from your expressions that you didn’t talk to him about my dick.” 

They’re very, very silent. 

Daniel’s brain hurts. 

Wait. 

_“Who have you been talking about my dick with?!”_

..

######  **~ Best of the Science Div (Plus Lando and Esteban) ~**

**[ESTEBAN removed DANIEL from group]**

**Esteban: right.** **  
** **Esteban: fuckers** **  
** **Esteban: when were you going to tell us**

**George: tell u what**

**Pierre: you know what**

**Lando: we’re gonna need you 2 be more specific than that**

**Pierre: shut up u thought the ship was sentient i don’t value your opinion any more**

**Lando: that’s fine. You never valued my opinion before that**

**Alex: it’s true**

**Esteban: LANCE AND NICO ARE FUCKING**

**Alex: we…. actually didn’t know that** **  
** **Alex: @ lance. Are you?**

**Lance: well we’re still working out what to call it**

**Pierre: CALL IT FUCKING** **  
** **Pierre: CALL IT ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME ASKING YOUR BOYFRIEND IF DANIEL LIKES PET NAMES IN BED**

**Esteban: if you didn’t know about this did you all know about daniel dating michael?**

**Nicky: well yeah**

**Alex: of course**

**[LANCE added NICO to group]**

**George: oh hey mate**

**Nico: yOU ALL knew why they were asking me this stuff and u never said ANYTHIGN?** **  
** **Nico: WHY DIDN’T YOU CORRECT THEM??**

 **Lando: it was really funny** **  
** **Lando: we’ve known about michael since you all got back from rasnathum**

 **Lance: actually… that explains it** **  
** **Lance: I told you all about it when pierresteban finally got their shit together**

**George: LOL you were too busy fucking each other to realise that your newest fuck buddy had a boyfriend off-ship**

**Nicky: so crass, george. Don’t label them**

**Esteban: oh no it’s okay, we’re definitely fuck buddies**

**[ALEX added DANIEL to group]**

**Nico: hello darling**

**Daniel: hi sweetpea** ****  
**Daniel: glad you guys sorted this all out** **  
** **Daniel: I’m about to call mike. You can meet him if u want**

**[MULTIPLE PEOPLE are typing]**

**Daniel: I MEANT PIERRE AND ESTE NOT YOU ALL YOURE GOSSIPS U CAN’T BE TRUSTED**


End file.
